Above the patient clouds sits a strong building, patiently it waits. Calm snow settles against the frozen window seals. Warm food scented air sits around the loud tables and counter. A pottle of chips waits to be collected by a happy boy. Cold with fragments of ice and snow, the carpet shivers.
Listen. Boots stomp like giants jumping. Ice and snow fall from the boots and is crushed. The chilled crisp carpet melts the snow with haste. Overlapping chatter rings out through the building. More hungry boots enter the room.
The line grows longer with every second. People wait in the queue, warm happy food growing cold and sad. Further into this building are doors. Doors that are constantly being slammed open and shut. From inside the hot air escapes into the cold free-roaming air of the mountain.
Look. A kid, Running. The boot slams into the leg of a strong table. His balance off, he can not recover. Hot chips spread across the hungry snow. Tears shatter against the ground. He stands and looks into the pottle. One chip for five dollars.
A stranger calmly approaches the boy.
“It’s ok, here go get your self another. Remember, not too speedy this time”. The boy smiles at you “Th-Thank you”. You feel the unforgiving cold air against your face. The warm protecting balaclava comes on and you walk to the chairlift.
Hi Charlie,
What you have so far is nice. But you really must push yourself in this final time. Get as much down as you can.
Good luck!
Hi Charlie,
Feedback:
– watch singular vs plural
– avoid cliche expressions – how can you describe something in a way that is new and fresh?
– look to create more of a sense of the scene – what can you see, hear, smell, touch, taste in that environment? Really bring it to life for me.
And of course, keep going!
GB